When I started this blog, I intended to post regularly. That didn't happen. It's been about a year since I shared anything here. It's not like I haven't had time; look at the year we've had with the pandemic and lockdown. I could have written the equivalent of a thesis paper! Today I was moved to write. What changed? A message from a friend.
Today I opened a message from a friend that I haven't seen in years. I was pleasantly surprised to see her name in my inbox. I tapped it open:
"Hey there...loved your blog. Or should I say it was relatable. Miss our silly stuff we all did. I talked to Janie yesterday.. Im not good with comp or phone..lol age barrier. Are you still blogging? I hope to read more and learn from it. You have a beautiful family..take care and be happy as life will allow."
The emotions that went tumbling through me were unexpected. I teared up a little because out of the blue someone found some solace in my writing. I haven't been very ambitious about pushing my blog out there, the link is somewhere on my Facebook page (I guess I just pushed it out ther, didn't I? lol).
Me: Oh Brooke, you made me cry. Thank you for your thoughts about my blog. I have a lot of stuff in my journal that I need to get published on my blog. I haven't spent any time on it this year. I need to and this is just the right motivation. It resonated with you and that was my hope, not just to air my hell. I suck with the phone, I haven't talked on the phone to Janie in forever.
I miss our silly stuff too. As exhausting as working with kids was we found ways to laugh about it. I don't think we realize how great all our kids turned out until we see them all together with their own kids and think... they are all here because of me, I'm important. Ya know?
It was so good to hear from you. Little things like that are bright spots in my day. Miss you!
Brooke: Miss you too girl. Janie asked me why I didn't tell her all the bad stuff Dave did to me.i told her its embarrassing and you feel ashamed even though its not your fault..it is a lonely journey you must take on your own. Its been 15 yrs and I still have issues. But hearing your blog made me feel so not alone and I'm so sorry you went through it..because I know how painful it is.. im glad your doing good and learning to love life again.. I too am crying knowing you went through that pain. Keep your head up and please consider more blogging..miss you too jill - Brooke!!!!
So many of us keep the pain buried deep inside us when we are with family and friends. I think eventually, a lot of us finally reach a point where we have to confide in someone. The thoughts in our heads won't stop raging; they get louder as time goes on. It's surprising what happens when you finally break and share your pain with people you trust. It can open the door for them too. I remember when I was at my darkest, I told 2 of my closest friends because I was at a point where I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't tell someone. It was hard to even start that conversation, but it felt good to tell them my truth. The truth that my life wasn't perfect, like I worked so hard to make everyone believe.
I remember a girls lunch my friends, and I were having one Saturday where one of them shared a very private, personal story about something unimaginable that had happened in her family. She had kept it inside for almost a year. She had backed out of get-togethers with us that whole year, and we didn't know why. What had happened had completely devastated her family, and she was still struggling.
That same lunch, I was talking with one of the other girls, and she shared some personal things about herself and the struggles she was having. I know it wasn't easy for her to open up and be vulnerable with me. I remember her hugging me (and I'm not a hugger) and thanking me for listening. That lunch was extraordinary because as I looked around the table, I realized each one of us was struggling with something. And when one of us opened up, it gave others the courage to do the same and find comfort in the fact that they aren't alone. Our problems might be different, but the damage they can do is the same.
It's ok to talk about what's going on in your life, good or bad. Today social media has put even more emotional pressure on us. The majority of us only share the bright side of our lives in our feeds. It makes those that are struggling feel even more alone. It's ok not to be ok. If you find the courage to talk to people you trust, you might be surprised to find out they carry the same secrets about emotional or physical abuse or something else that is causing emotional turmoil. We have to talk about it to heal.
The names in this article have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals.
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